How to Not Make Bat
by Not That Batman
Hello, readers of this website. My name is Not That Batman. People come up to me all the time, and they say, "Ohh! You're disgusting! Why are you eating all those bats? I hate you I hate you I hate you." I would just like these people to understand that bats are really a delicious treat, and they are not completely devoid of nutritional goodness, either. Though I have stockpiled 556,432 recipes for enjoying these furry night creatures over the years, I will share with you the recipe that I used for the stageplay based on my life, entitled "Not That Batman." In an instance of art not imitating life at all, this recipe doesn't involve real bats.
Stuffed Bat, from the stageplay "Not That Batman"
Preparation Time: 15 minutes
Complete Cook Time: About an hour or so
| Ingredients: |
1 round loaf of chocolate cherry bread
1/3 cup soy sauce (don't support Kikkoman, people, they're like a big monopoly)
2 tbsp. sake
1 clove garlic, minced
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2 tbsp. roughly chopped ginger
1 small red cabbage, shredded
1 small can water chestnuts, drained
1 plastic bat, for garnish
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Procedure:
Chop the chocolate cherry bread in two, just above the halfway point. Scrape or cut away any portions that are not black in color. Scoop out the larger half of the bread. What about the smaller half, you ask? Well can you save that for breakfast! HA HA HA. Anyway, scoop out the big piece of bread, and make two 3" slits on either side of the bread, underneath the opening. The batwings will be inserted here. Leave the bread out to dry and stiffen.
In a large mixing bowl, whisk together the soy sauce, sake, garlic and ginger. Add the cabbage and water chestnuts, coating everything thorougly. Cover the bowl and chill it for about an hour or so. Chop the plastic bat in half. Shove the halves into the slits in the stiff bread so the wings hang out. The effect should be that of a big black round thing with wings sticking out and no head. Remove the mixing bowl from the fridge or icebox. Stir the contents well to make sure the cabbage and chestnuts are still coated properly. The effect here should be that of indiscriminate, bloody, stringy guts and random bat chunks. Stuff a few handfuls of this mixture into the hollow bat shell. Make sure that the
"guts" can be easily seen flowing out of the top of the bat. Serve at once. Eat quickly with your hands, allowing your body temperature to melt the chocolate in the bread, mixing in with the salty soy/sake dressing. Now THAT'S a good stuffed bat!
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